Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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