How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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