I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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