You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
