I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
