Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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