puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
