I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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