I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
