If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
