I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize