I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
