When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
