just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize