My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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