butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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