Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
