Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
