ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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