im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Apparently you make a good broom.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
