I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
