Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
