My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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