you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
