So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
