Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
