I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
