My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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