3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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