just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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