Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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