I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
