I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
