you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You made out with two different species that night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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