Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
