He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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