I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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