I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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