FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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