I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
