im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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