So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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