Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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