I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
