I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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