The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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