just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
