Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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