Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
