I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm bleeding and have questions
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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