You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
