This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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