If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Four minutes until I can fart!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
