Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
