ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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