I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
