your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
